Second in a series on suicide

SIDNEY -- Kaydie Whatley is a teen girl who went through some dark times, times that required specific skills for her to return to mental and emotional "daylight."

"This is my opportunity to share, and I want people to feel like ... yeah, like you hear all the time: 'you're not alone,' and all of this stuff, and like, it flies right over your brain and you don't care, but like when you genuinely hear someone's story that's like your age. I never heard anyone my age, and I feel like if I did I would understand the complexity and how much it really does mean to the people around you," Whatley said.

She said a person having someone they can relate to can make a difference in challenging times. She added hearing another person's story can assure someone they really are going through challenges.

Whatley's story starts a little more than a year ago.

"It all happened in 2024. The time line is Feb. 18, 2024, to Jan. 3, 2025. So, I fell into a deep depression, and I didn't want to believe it because ... I thought depression was down in the dumps, emo, your hood is up, you're wearing all black, you look down. You know; bad grades, whatever. [Be]cause I didn't have that," she said.

She said she was prescribed an anxiety medicine that treats anxiety and depression. However, when she was asked if she was depressed, she would say no. When asked if she experienced anxiety, "10 out of 10." 

It was also during this time she got in trouble, the kind of trouble that had her disappointed in herself, and feeling she disappointed her family. The incident resulted in losing many of her home privileges. It also included accusations from a family member that were wrong and much worse than what she did.

It was also at this time she was thinking of hurting herself ... badly. She said when her mom took the time to listen, it made her question if she wanted to go through what she wanted to do. She said she felt confused, angry, unwelcome and unaccepted. 

Her first attempt at suicide occurred at home; a dust-covered prescription bottle in the top of the medicine cabinet. She admits it was a cry for help and an attempt to end her life. She took pills, then went downstairs and sat beside her mom.

"I put my head under the faucet to swallow them. And mind you, I had the faucet running the whole time because my momma told me to wash my face, but also because I didn't want her to hear me rummaging through trying to find something. And so, I ended up swallowing them, put the pill bottle back where I had found it. And I was like OK, it's done, I swallowed pills," she said.

Her mom had her lie her head down on her lap, and played with her hair, a moment between mother and daughter. She said it occurred to her that her mom might be playing with her hair for the last time.

"This is where the guilt came in. Like, I didn't want her to have to deal with her 16-year-old daughter dying in her lap," she said.

Her mom got her to the hospital, reporting her as overdosing. She said her mom made the decision to admit her to a "psych ward" because she thought Kaydie was unsafe.

She was released, with new meds, and she thought she was fine, until July of that year. She coped by spending time with different groups of guys, and girls, people she thought liked her. Her quest was to be around people who thought she mattered.

Friends from her past were beginning to affect her social interactions.  She said conflicts developed with adults as well. 

"It made Sidney turn against me. I had grown adults coming up to me trying to talk to me about why I did so-and-so, and to so-and-so. And it was really bad, like I would break down in public because there was grown adults and mothers coming to me and being like 'why did you do this?' and this is where I started to spiral," she said.

The downward spiral resulted in her considering suicide a second time. She researched different medications and what they do. She went to a local store, found the pills she believed would do what she wanted and returned to her car. 

"You know, when I look back, I genuinely think that if someone just stopped me and asked if I was OK because I walked into the store just looking like crap; just bawling, my face was red, like mascara running down my face. And I bet you if someone stopped me, I mean, I think I would have snapped out of that episode; just like being snapped back into reality ... but it didn't happen," she said.

She took the pills, and she describes herself as coming close to dying. She was saved by her "safety person." She and her daughter raced across town and, by Whatley's recollection, literally saved her life. She was flown to Scottsbluff by a medical helicopter.

Some time after she was released, she created a self-harm addiction, while in residential treatment. Whatley says her addiction has become much easier to control. She is, however, confident the time will come.

She said it is not embarrassing to want to be seen and heard. It is not embarrassing to want to be loved.