Sidney -- There should be a book titled “An Uncomfortable Reality,” but I doubt it would be a best seller.

The uncomfortable reality is we will all have to face death at some point; directly and indirectly. It is not fun, and it is not easy. The emotions challenge the will to live for some, and the fabric that keeps a married couple together.

Someone once said “None of us get out of this alive.” True enough, but what do you do when you have to stare at death and loss head-on? 

My family's lives were disrupted more than 17 years ago by a series of events and a late-night phone call. I’ve met others who have had the unfortunate experience of witnessing loss take place, and others who were hours or more removed from where the loss happened. I can't say there is a perfect scenario. 

The reality is grief and loss are where the emotions meet at a dark place. It is the severing of a relationship as much as the concluding of a life. The grief of a parent is high in the grief scale. The dreams of the dad wanting to take his boy fishing, or his daughter to the first daddy-daughter dance, the college graduation and wedding planning.

They all become fiction based after a period of time. It is like we are all fiction writers at one level or another. We take a baseline of facts are extrapolate from there what our loved-one might have done with his or her future.

There is another “soothing saying” that quickly became a cliche. “Time heals all wounds.”

Not necessarily. Time is a human element. Healing is a deliberate effort to move past an event, loss in this discussion. Healing almost always takes some kind of outside influence. It is like the law of science. An object in motion remains in motion unless acted on by an outside force. Likewise, it is difficult to move out of grief and sometimes the depression that can come with it without an influence outside of ourselves.

Moving past is a choice. But in moving past, you’re not the same. There is a part of your heart that remains empty.

”Moving past” sometimes requires the right support network. It requires people with the insight of what to say, and when. It is also about the friends who are close enough to be in your company and just … be. No cheap cliches are needed, just let the grieving father or mother know they are not alone. Survival and moving forward are about having people who will stand in the gap with you.

As I said, I’m not just a writer. I’m a member of this “club,” an unwilling but forever member.